Tune Twice - Suck Less by Charles Long

"One of the dark secrets of the guitar: guitars don't play perfectly in tune. Actually, all fixed tuning instruments, such as piano (sic), play slightly out of tune." (see www.timberens.com/essays/tuning.htm for the complete essay).

How true it is! The reality is that if your guitar is perfectly tuned for the key of Ab major (as if!) then your guitar is NOT perfectly tuned for the key of E major. That's just the nature of the beast! Most guitarists shoot for what is known as 'tempered tuning,' meaning that the guitar (and possibly the guitarist) is equally out of tune in all keys (see www.wikipedia.org for way more information than you need to know). The best we can hope for is to be equally out of tune in all keys: If that's not a metaphor for life in the modern modern world, then I'm a Neanderthal. I have been called one before, BTW, but that's different entry for a very different blog.

So what's a well-meaning guitarist (secretly longing deep in his/her/its soul to be in perfect tune) to do? I'm so glad you asked! Here are three not-so-easy steps to the 'well tempered' guitar:

1. Learn how to tune your guitar manually...um...aurally (no electronic tuners allowed at first - part of good musicianship is tuning and restringing your best friend with your own two hands and/or ears - at least until you can afford roadies to do it for you). Learning to tune will take some time, but this is time well spent. Thou shalt hone thy craft daily. For the traditional EADGBE tuning, there are various tuning methods to be mastered: the old 'fifth fret' method (except for the second or B string of course) and the harmonics method to name just two. Learn 'em! Love 'em! Incidentally, you will need a reference pitch to tune this way. A tuning fork, a pitch pipe, heck, even a pitch fork will work in a pinch - an old friend of mine could tune his sixth or low E string to the dial tone of a phone. Just tune it!

2. Once you have mastered tuning your guitar manually, aurally and/or telekinetically, then and only then, get yourself an electronic tuner from JAX AND learn how to use it. (Oh, if you do learn to tune telekinetically, please post a video on YOUTUBE). Now when you get your brand spanking new electronic tuner, I'd recommend reading the manual! (I can't believe I just wrote that! Next I thing I know I'll be asking for directions when I'm lost).

Why read the manual? Well, did you know that these newfangled electronic tuners work better if you strike the string lightly? That salient little treasure is often buried deep in the bowels of the manual! So read thy manual since, to the best of my knowledge, no one has yet published the authoritative 'Tuners for Dummies' book for which we have all been waiting. Rest assured JAX will have it when it hits the market. Right now, we have got a bunch of great tuners at JAX, just click on the tuners link and check them out. I use the Boss TU-2 Tuner Chromatic because it's a great tuner, it's easy to use on stage, it has orange lettering, and its name sounds like 'Tu-Tu-Tuner.'

3. Having learned how to tune the old-fashioned way, and only then having bought and tuned up your guitar with your spiffy new electronic tuner from JAX, step three is to recheck your instrument's tuning BY EAR (aurally) in the KEY in which your about to playing. TUNE TWICE: SUCK LESS. (Words to live by. You'll thank me later. Can I get a witness?) "How do I do this?" You say? Play a few chords that commonly occur in the key in which you are about to play. For example if you are about to play in G-major, try a couple different voicings of the following chords: G Major, C Major, D Major, and E Minor. I think you'll be surprised how many times you'll have to tweak a string or two to get those chords to sound right. My experience is that the second or B string is the usual culprit. I suspect that it's because the 2nd string is tuned to a different interval than the other strings in the traditional EADGBE tuning. (E - A is a fourth; A - D is a fourth; D - G is a fourth; G to B is a major third; B to E is a fourth again). So watch...er...listen to that B-string.

There they are: three not-so-easy steps to a well-tempered guitar! (Now played by an ill-tempered guitarist due to having just read the manual of an electronic tuner). Remember to post that video of you tuning-up telekinetically!

Charles Long